Codswallop
Patrick, the TV host, beamed at the crowd. ‘And now for our last conundrum. Panellists, your word is Codswallop. Codswallop. Let’s start with you, Greg.’
Greg lent forward, a knowing look on his face. ‘For once, a word I think we all recognise. Yes, audience? Well, hold your horses. You may think you know but the true meaning of this word might surprise you. Codswallop, is a fishing term – yes, ladies and gentlemen, fishing. Imagine the scene. You’re onboard a trawler tossing on the high seas. A heavy, squirming catch is hauled over the bows. Fins, tails, whole bodies of slippery suckers tumble onto the deck and ‘Whoomph’ – you get smacked on the ankle. Codswallop! A slap from a north Atlantic fish. Self-explanatory and practically onomatopoeic.’
Carol shook her head. ‘OK, folks. Here’s the real deal. It’s to do with etymology or semantic change. Yes, indeed. Lots of words have different meanings these days and such alterations can involve a spelling or phonemic progression. The sound ‘K’ for the modern-day Cod, is the voiceless equivalent of ‘G’, therefore Codswallop derives from Godswallop and this word can be found in records dating back to the 17th century. Many a parishioner was threatened for their sinning ways with Godswallop and was a way of describing the power and retribution of the Almighty for the simple minds of the congregation. Godswallop – a punishment from on high.
‘My dear audience, my friends here are wrong.’ Toby tutted and rolled his eyes. ‘Codswallop is a dish originating from the Shetland Isles. It is a succulent delight incorporating firm, white fish and a bivalve mollusc – are you getting it yet? Cod and scallops in a dreamy, white sauce. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Until you try to pronounce it. Codscallop. Codscallop. Sounds like you’re about to choke, yes? So, here too, there’s been a slight change. Codscallop became Codswallop. Much easier to order after a few single malts, too. Codswallop – a Scottish delicacy.
The TV host smiled. ‘Thank you panelists. A wonderful array of alternatives and, as always, I’d now like to invite our truth-teller to raise his or her hand.’ There was silence and no discernible movement from the floor.
‘Sometimes, I love my job,’ said Patrick. He walked out from behind his lectern towards the panel, their faces etched with puzzlement. ‘What day is it today? Yes, that’s right. It’s Thursday 28th March. But what day will this program be broadcast? Surely a day for codswallop?’
Carol’s head drooped as Greg muttered, ‘April Fools.’
Patrick’s beaming smile swept across the studio as the audience hooted and cheered.
THE END